所谓快乐

The room is uncomfortably warm. Besides,I am so sleepy I can hardly keep my eyes open.

When we say or quote "Tomorrow is another day.", we believe that tomorrow will be better than today. Maybe we can finally pluck our courage and look at the reality in its face. But what privilege have we gained to believe so? More often than not, tomorrow is just a repetition of today.

      I am upset since I woke up. Or, maybe, since I knew I was going to see my supervisor. I can’t be sure. The presentation is a mess. The supervisor’s criticism is harsh and humiliating. Yet I feel indifferent in my heart. Obviously, under the circumstances, I couldn’t show any resentment. Still, I had an idea that I should have felt humiliated though in fact I felt nothing. Afterwards it struck me I needn’t have said anything. I had no reason to excuse myself; it was up to him to express his opinion, whatever it is. If I don’t care, I don’t have to pretend I care.

       Walking out the gloomy classroom, outside is a blazing hot afternoon. I felt like a piece of pineapple and I get it in the dining hall. I have lunched, as usual, in the semi-basement. Everyone was kind, in some way, yet there is no one like a mother. Like the meal in the dining hall, I can have it but I am not going to enjoy it. A bad comparison.

       I have a nap. Then I was awakened by an odd rustling in my ears. After having had my eyes closed, I had a feeling that I had shut the world out.

       I woke up and had a cup of coffee. Instant coffee. I was feeling very comfortable; the coffee had warmed me up, and through the open door came breaths of cool rainy air.